13 Steps to A Flatter Tummy

In 13 days, you need to be able to get into that tight-fitting dress for that party you've been anxious about attending for the last 2 months. So not only are you a fat-ass but you're a procrastinator, too.

Okay, now that you've come to terms with your situation, it's time to come up with game plan to slim down in less than 2 weeks. Here are 13 ways to get a tighter tummy in the next 13 days.

Go NATURAL.
Stop eating processed junk food. Yes, that means you need to eliminate anything that comes in a bright colored bag or box. Most often, things that are processed in a food plant somewhere are full of saturated and hydrogenated fats, sugar and additives. In this weight loss journey, stray away from anything that has been tainted with after it has sprouted from the ground.

Start GLISTENING (a.k.a. sweating).
Start performing Cardio. You’ve probably heard the word "cardio" before but never understood how that clicks in with your internal fat burning machine a.k.a. your metabolism. Basically, when you allow air to come into your lungs (as it does during exercise) you are allowing it to burn your fat wherever it is stored: in your hips, butt, thighs, and especially the tummy.

LIFT your metabolism higher.
Improve your muscular definition by adding strength training to your workouts. For an overall lean look without creating too much "bulk", focus on circuit training, high repetitions and small breaks. Intense strength training burns more calories than slower paced, aerobic training.

DRINK it up.
Drink more water. It has no calories, it makes you full and it cleans out your system. What is better than that?  For more variety, add a lime, a tea bag or some crystal light for taste. Don’t be afraid to drink water because of the “bloating” or “retention” myth.

EAT it all.
Eat all the vegetables you want. Go ahead; indulge in spinach, broccoli and asparagus. It’s good for you! Fibrous foods not only provide vitamins and nutrients for your body, but it’s the best cleaner for your colon.

SPEAKING of colon...
Getting colonics is a terrific solution to a colon that has a lot of junk trapped inside of it. A colonic is the infusion of water into the rectum by a colon therapist to cleanse and flush out the colon. Not only can you drop a bit of "dead" weight, but you will feel cleaner, more refreshed and lighter in the midsection!

CREATE an illusion.
Tanning gives the illusion of weight loss. When your skin appears more bronze, you can better see the definition in your arms, the tone in your calves and the lines on your abs. You can use a tanning bed or use spray-on tan for a healthier option.

Have a SHAKE.
Have a protein shake, that is. Having a higher protein diet has been known to burn fat quick in short amounts of time. Consuming a whey protein shake once, or maybe twice, a day is the best way to curb your hunger and get in some good nutrients quickly. I enjoy the John Scott’s Chocolate protein shakes by NITRO the most.

Get in BED.
Go to sleep. Studies have found that the more sleep one gets, the less stressed they become and the less cortisol (the stress hormone that can build up in the tummy area) gets accumulated.

SAP the water from your body.
After you have consumed all that great water, diuretics such as caffeine are an excellent way to dehydrate a little bit of the water lying around your abdominal area. Consuming coffee, tea, even a bit of wine will help take some excess water out of your tummy.

Practice the DRAWING in maneuver.
The "sucking in" technique is actually a powerful move that decreases your tummy an inch or two. Basically, you draw your belly button towards the small of your back and create a small vacuum in your midriff area.

SPANK yourself.
SPANX yourself that is! Spanx is a control top you can wear over your tummy, under your clothes to give the illusion you’ve lost anywhere between 2-4 inches around the waist. Since the material is seamless, you don’t have to worry about anyone seeing lines that will reveal your trimming secret!         

SWEAT it out.
Sit your butt in a nice sauna and drip the water weight away. Besides being great for cleansing the skin and eliminating toxins, a sauna helps improve blood circulation, strengthens the cardiovascular system, relaxes muscles, increases flexibility, and relieves pain.

If none of the above works or if you're too lazy to get it all done, accept what you are and get a bigger dress.